 Hello! I've just read your book Sex for dummies und I decided not to wait anymore but to ask for help. I kind of have a boyfriend that I respect very much, we have similar interests and he loves me, we were made for each other. But the problem is that I just cannot really love him. I am a happy, open minded person, but I've always been very ignorant towards everything sexual. When I was young I hated parts of fairy-tales that included love and kisses, I always said I was tough and I do not do such things. I always played with boys war games and stuff. But I was never in love. Ever. I liked many guys for their good look or cleverness, but as soon as we got close, I pulled myself back because I was afraid he might think of something more. Now I'm dating this guy, but I do not enjoy touching and kissing. At first I was petrified, I started shaking and got fever when he first kissed me. Now I got used to touching, we have kind of sex through clothes but we haven't actually have sex yet. I fake that I feel good but I just never feel excited. Maybe just for a moment and than it went away. I never tried masturbation and don't really feel like I'd like to try, it seems a bit disgusting. I don't think I have a frustration, there was no strange education or troubles in my family, but I find the fact that people around me, especially my parents, do those things, horrible.
Please help me! Am I just asexual? Like if I was homosexual just that I don't even like girls?
 In today’s world, because of the media, many people your age feel that if they haven’t had a full love life already that there’s something wrong with them. But each individual matures at a different rate, and the fact that you’re not ready for love or sex probably just means that you have to wait a bit more. There are very few people who remain asexual their entire lives or who never fall in love, so I would guess that your sexuality will come to the forefront in the near future.
Of course it’s possible that you are hot heterosexual and that in order to hide your true sexuality from yourself, and others but more so yourself, that you are subconsciously repressing it. Some tomboys, and it sounds like that is the appropriate term for you when you were growing up, turn out to be gay but many don’t. So don’t go jumping to any conclusions. But you might try to experiment a bit, in your head. If there’s an attractive woman, try to fantasize what it would be like to make love to her. Maybe if you allow those thoughts into your head, you’ll discover something about yourself. But, again, I’m not saying that you will actually find out you’re gay, because that’s not necessarily the case, but just one possibility.
There are psychologists who specialize in helping people discover their sexual identity. You could go consult with one of those. But then again you could just put all those concerns aside for a while, wait for a year or so to pass, and see what develops.
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