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We have been dating for 3 years but haven't had sex in 9 months |
 I don't even know if this is going to help my situation...I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and a bit and for the past 9 months we haven't had any intimate contact what-so-ever. We had this issue before, and he confessed that he had problems when it came to that department. He felt he lacked experience and confidence. I assured him time and time again that this was okay and we can work together. Now, we are once again in a "dry" period. I've spoken to him about it and his explanation is that he is too stressed and tired.
9/10 times that we did have sex, I was the one to initiate things. Is it so wrong for me to want HIM to start something? I don't want to push him but I feel like our relationship is taking a toll and that we are becoming more friends then anything else.
Despite my better judgment, the last time that we went through this, I had an affair with a co-worker. This was a year ago. I didn't have the affair because of the lack of intimacy but because of the lack of emotional connection and commitment. He found out and long story short, we solved our issues.
I keep feeling guilty. I don't think that our lack of sex is due to the affair that I had cause we had that issue before I ever did that. The thing is, sex to me is important in a relationship. I need to feel intimate with my boyfriend.
There are other issues in our relationship but this is a big one. I hope that you can help me. Give me advice or set me straight. This is driving me crazy.
 Since there seems to be a laundry list of relationship issues, and sexual issues are often rooted in relationship problems even if it’s not obvious, I would strongly urge you two to go for counseling. It’s possible that the sexual problem is all being caused by a psychological problem only he is burdened with, but it’s just as likely, more likely in fact, that it’s rooted in your relationship. And those roots seem awfully twisted, especially as there was an affair in the middle. So the only way that I see of you two getting to the bottom of this situation and fixing your relationship, and then your sex life, is by getting professional help.
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