I appreciate your situation, but I think your husband is right. It might be hard to lose 45 pounds (though better for your health) but learning to put on some make up, getting your hair done before you go out to dinner, dressing better and wearing heels would not only make him feel better, but it would make you feel better, and more sexy, and most of all, is not that difficult to do. So his request is not unreasonable. He’s asking that you take better care of your appearance, and you should, but not just to please him, but to make you feel better about yourself.

Another point is that he may be afraid that your appearance is going to go even further downhill. As we age, none of us looks better without working at it. If you just let yourself go, then he’s worried that you’re going to become very unattractive. But if you show him that you care about your appearance, that you’re doing things to improve it (including losing some weight) then he’ll appreciate that effort when you make it, even if the results don’t show every day. So show him that you do care how you look, that you are trying, despite your work load as a mother and student, and that might be all the two of you need to get that spark relit.