Can't orgasm after 7 years of marriage
Image My wife and I have been married for 7 years and sexually active for 13. A couple of years ago she informed me that she has never had an orgasm with me. However, she was able to achieve orgasms through intercourse with her previous partners. She tells me she loves me more than anything and it doesn't matter. I am now left feeling like failure and can't stop these horrible images of my wife having amazing sex with her previous partners. For the past 10 years she has had little or no interest in sex. She does not like her genitalia touched... We even went to a sex therapist which she decided wasn't important. I love my wife dearly. What do I do?

Image To answer your question, I’d need answers to a lot of questions raised by what you’ve written, many of which you don’t know the answer to. For starters, what did her previous partners do that you didn’t do? Were they able to last longer during intercourse? Did they give her more foreplay? And was she faking orgasms with you so that you couldn’t know that she needed more of either? And since you learned about this, have you tried or has she let you try to give her orgasms in other ways besides intercourse? Have you had children? Has she placed so much of her energies into being a mother that she’s given up her sex life?

I could go on, but the point is that 13 years have gone by and she’s not the same woman she was when she was with those other partners so basically the two of you have to start from scratch. And you have to put those past experiences of hers out of your head because while I agree it is important for you to be able to give her orgasms, how that happens has to be something the two of you create. The fact that you dragged her to a sex therapist and have written to me proves that having a mutually satisfying sex life is important to you, and so she owes you to put in some effort to having orgasms, even if she doesn’t think it important, to please you. And I bet that if you are successful, that she’ll be glad she did because it will bring you closer. Maybe you have to go back to see a sex therapist, or marital counselor, but see if you can’t get her to take an active part in making your sex life one that you both share the pleasure in.

 
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