 I am a 34 yr old woman that has trouble reaching a clitoral orgasm during foreplay. I had my first clitoral orgasm using water pressure from the shower head when I was about 15. It was amazing, so I kept doing it over the years, in fact, I still do it today because it is the best orgasm I've ever had. There have been times I've stayed in the shower for over an hour having 5, 6, 7 or more orgasms. The problem is, when I'm having foreplay with my boyfriend, I don't even come close to orgasm. I'm sure I would eventually, but it would take longer than he would like to perform it. (probably around an hour or so) I think that part of the problem is that I find it virtually impossible to just lay there and enjoy the feeling, without thinking, focusing, and/or concentrating on having an orgasm. I have a few suggestions for him, but don't know how to tell him without making it sound like he doesn't know what he's doing. I've noticed in the shower and while pleasing myself, that constant stimulation of the clitoris doesn't work for me. It has to be slower on/off stimulation for it to work and even then, it still takes a while. I'm just wondering if I've over-stimulated my clitoris by constantly using the water pressure, that now it's not that sensitive to other forms of pleasure.
 You may be right about the result of the shower head, that you’ve become too used to the stronger sensations so that no man can provide you with orgasms. But you’re absolutely wrong about not telling your boyfriend what he needs to do. You say you need a lot of starting and stopping of stimulation. How in the world could he possibly guess that? And it seems the timing of this starting and stopping is also important, and he’s certainly not a mind reader. So left on his own, he’s in an impossible situation.
If two people are sufficiently intimate to be having sex, they have to overcome any inhibition they may have about talking about their sex life. In this case, what I suggest is that you show him your question and my answer. I think that will be a good way to open up the conversation, and in a productive way. And don’t assume that he won’t be able to help you have orgasms, because if you do, you’re setting yourself up for this not to happen. A positive attitude will go a long way towards fixing this situation.
Finally, I would suggest you put away your shower head for a while. You’re used to having a lot of orgasms. Perhaps if you’re not having them, which will make you desire them all the more, you’ll be more receptive to whatever stimulation your boyfriend can provide, with your instructions, of course. But if you’re well satisfied with the orgasms you give yourself, you’ll be setting the bar much too high for your boyfriend.
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