There are women who fantasize about rape even though they would never want to be raped. The reason is that such fantasies give them permission to put themselves in a situation that they would normally not allow themselves to be in. Let me give you an example. Let’s say a certain woman’s background and upbringing would prevent her from ever actually having sex in front of anyone other than her partner, but the concept makes her very aroused. Her attitude towards this is such that she would never permit herself to even have a fantasy where she and a partner willingly had sex in front of other people. But is she has a fantasy in which someone is forcing her to have sex in front of other people, she can then “justify” what is happening as it’s not her choice.

I’m guessing that something similar is going on with you. What you and your partner are doing is role-playing, since you’re pretending to be asleep and he’s pretending to be secretly taking you against your will, though in fact you’re both in on it. Is there anything wrong with this? Absolutely not. There’s nothing wrong with role-playing, whether it be this scenario or another. Perhaps this pretending to be asleep is the only one that arouses you, but I would suggest that you try others just to see what happens. You may both find that role-playing adds a lot to your appreciation of sex. But whether or not you expand your repertoire, don’t concern yourself that you enjoy this one.