|
My Ex-Boyfriend Was Way Too Rough the First Time I Had Sex |
 A few years ago my ex-boyfriend and I were making out in my room and I intended on having sex because we disrobed and went to my bed (I was a virgin and he knew this). Just when I thought that he was going to be gentle all of a sudden he forced my arms and hands over my head and it hurt so much. I told him that he was really hurting me and I said ow but, he didn't stop. He penetrated me really deeply and when he did it it felt like my pelvic bone was aching. I clamped up and I was fighting to put my legs wider. Did I do something wrong? Ever since this day, my life has changed. I continue to feel bad about it. He rolled over and slept...I felt like there was a stranger in my bed. I ultimately felt dirty. Is there something wrong with me? Should I get help? Please help.
 There’s nothing wrong with you, he’s just a brute and the best thing I read in your question is that he’s now you “ex-boyfriend.” Since you say you intended on having sex, this wasn’t rape, though it was about as close to rape it could be without breaking the law. (And are you telling the truth? Had you really intended to have intercourse or are you just saying that? Because if you didn’t, then it was rape, though you’d have a hard time proving it.)
OK, enough about the past as you can’t change that. What this incident tells me, along with the way you phrased your questions, is that you have some serious issues with self-esteem. If you could think that you could possibly be at fault for what happened, when he was entirely wrong in forcing himself on you and acting so coarsely with you knowing this was your first time having sex, points to a weakness in you. If you let yourself be abused by this one guy, it wouldn’t surprise me if this happens to you again and again. So my advice, my strong advice, is that you go for some counseling. You need help in stiffening up your backbone or else your entire life could end up being a series of failed relationships.
|
