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Should I leave the man I love? |
I've been with my boyfriend for over three years. The first year was like a romance novel. Then everything went down hill.
For the last two years we've averaged having sex maybe once a month, most times less than that. I've talked to him about it a few times and he always has a different excuse, like his back hurts or he's upset that I'm not on birth control (even though I've bought condoms in every shape and size). I've tried sexy underwear and pajamas. I've tried lubricants and toys. I've tried leaving him alone and not letting him see me naked and everything else I've read that I'm supposed to do. I know he's not cheating on me; he's a one woman guy, but I don't know what else to do. I'm seriously considering leaving a man that I love because we have no intimate life together. Can you help me?
 The first thing I would examine is whether anything changed around the time that he stopped wanting to have sex. Did you have a pregnancy scare? Did he have problems at work? Is there anything that could have caused this change?
Second, I’m going to guess that you don’t want to go on the pill. That’s your call, but maybe you should also try keeping track of your periods and when you’re not fertile. It may not be out of the blue that he said that he wanted you to go on the pill. If he’s afraid of causing a pregnancy, and you can assure him that you’re in a safe time of the month, and you’ll be using a condom, that might give him more confidence.
Finally, you two could go to see a relationship counselor. Perhaps in talking to this therapist in private he’ll open up and then you can find a fix. If you really love him, that would be worth trying. But if he refuses to help the situation, then you just may have to leave him.
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