Should I leave him?
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This seems to be a common problem, but I want to know your opinion on my problem. Six years ago, I separated from my husband of 32 years. I have kids and grandkids. I met a man four years ago. He was 54 at the time and I was 53. He had never been married and still lived with his mom until she passed away 5 years ago. Our sex life was never spontaneous. We always seemed to make a date on the calendar for when it was appropriate for him. We never had it more than once in a 10-day period. Over time it went from that to two weeks, two and a half weeks, three weeks and now it's monthly. He never asks for it and I always have to approach him. 

When we make love it is great, but I need it more. I know you will say use a vibrator and yes I could, but that is not the problem. We go to bed at night and I never wear a top. It is the same routine every night: I face him, we kiss each other three times, I roll over and he touches my breasts a couple of times. I say good night and he kisses me twice, says "love you," but he has said it in the same tone to my sister-in-law. Shouldn’t he sometimes get a little excited? He never calls me babe or honey, never holds my hand, never just walks up to me to give me a hug.

When we go out he gawks at everyone that walks by from top to bottom. That just irritates me. If I am talking to him at a restaurant and someone walks by, he focuses on them. He never looks me in the eyes while I am talking. I have just about had it and am ready to move on. We hardly ever go out to eat, if we do it has to be somewhere cheap, never go to a show unless it's a matinee. I never see my family and friends much as they live about 25 minutes away.I feel very isolated. I know that the best thing for me to do is move on, but I am afraid to make the first step. I would have to go back into debt to do that (I know that is no reason to stay). I would have to find more work to pay the rent and I am afraid of being alone. I am very emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat. Do you think it is because I really don’t want to leave as I really hate the thought of hurting him or do you think it's just the thought of starting over again? Any info would be helpful. Oh I forgot. He is a sports nut and that seems to be the only thing we talk about and sometimes I could care less. What should I do?

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I understand your fears. There aren’t enough men out there for every woman at your age, and you also have financial difficulties. The problem is that you’re in what’s called no-man’s land, neither here nor there. One foot in and one foot out. Either you should move on, or else you should stay and learn to masturbate. I really doubt that he’s going to change very much, though you haven’t said whether or not you’ve tried to communicate your problems to him. If you haven’t had some heart-to-heart talks, then that should be your first step. But assuming either you have and it hasn’t worked, or even if you do, it won’t work, then you’re back to where you started. And at that point my advice would be to either leave him, or figure out a way to make the best of it. 

What might you do with making things better besides masturbating? When he gawks, say something. Not in an angry voice, but just in a regular tone, say, “Please stop looking at that woman that way. It bothers me.” For all I know, he may not even know it bothers you. You say you don’t do anything and all he wants to talk about is sports. There are plenty of ways to stimulate yourselves intellectually that don’t cost that much. Drag him to a museum. Watch a documentary on TV. Buy a magazine that has an article that is interesting and ask him to read it. Then talk about whatever it is. And maybe you could learn a bit more about the sports he’s interested in and share some of his enthusiasm. And yes, it would be better if he shared in initiating sex, but if that’s his personality, then you just take on that role and stop worrying about it. If none of this works, then maybe you have to break up. But don’t just complain about it. First try to fix the situation and then decide what you want to do.

 
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