I've been in my relationship 2.5 years, and recently became engaged. My partner is the nicest, smartest, funniest, kindest man I have met. He's my best friend and I love him deeply. However, I simply do not care if we ever have sex.
This is quite unusual for me, and I cannot figure it out. My past relationships have been with men who were very fit. My partner is around 30 pounds over weight. I am however, average, and would not like to think it's just a matter of a few extra pounds and some extra hair on my present partner that is turning me off. We connect on such a deep level, I'd hope it isn't such a superficial matter.
Also, the way he touches me just does nothing to turn me on. In fact, it frustrates me so much that I often stop fooling around before we even have sex. We've discussed this at length, tried "sex school," vibrators, oral sex, fantasies, but nothing gets me off with him, and I've stopped wanting to even try. He, however, says it's the best sex he's ever had, and that I am a dream partner-- when we do it.
He's worried about our dwindling and troubled sex life. He's concerned about the possibility of a sexless marriage. I think I could do it. I don't have any desire for sex ever, so I don't even miss it. I do wonder whether the problem rests with me. I've spoken with my doctor, had tests etc. I don't even masturbate. Maybe he is an average lover and I am just a lost cause in the arousal department and we're in trouble. I love him so much though! How can I make this work? It kills me that his confidence is dwindling, and it would kill me to lose him.
 I would suggest a two-pronged attack. The first would be to see if there is anything going on in your life that might be disrupting your sex drive. For example, if you’re having problems at work, that could do it. Or even though you love him, if there is something about the relationship that irks you, that could be the source of the problem. If it is physical, then you could have him shave off the excess hair and see if that helps. He can’t lose thirty pounds over night, but perhaps he’s willing to try losing the weight. His efforts might help you as perhaps you’re subconsciously worried that he’s going to get even fatter. Since you are going to get married, you might be thinking about the future. And it may even be the fear of getting married that is holding back your libido. So if you can find the problem, then you can fix it, and hopefully rekindle your desire.
But in the meantime, my suggestion is to have sex with him. Maybe you’re going to have to pretend he’s Brad Pitt, or whomever else you find super sexy. In other words, use some fantasy to get yourself aroused. I don’t want you to lie there like a dead fish. You have to take an active part. And I’m hoping that if once started, your libido will perk up and you will have at least satisfactory sex, and an orgasm, even if it’s not terrific sex.
And, of course, if you can’t get to the bottom of this by yourself, you should consult a professional. If deep down inside you really don’t want to get married, then it would be better to find that out now than after the wedding.
|
