How do we keep our sex life exciting and secure?
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The idea of any anal involvement causes physical and emotional pain, but my husband is losing interest in sex otherwise.
He either ignores me or becomes aroused by "pushing the envelope." I'm scared of what is happening to our relationship. How do we feel secure and excited at the same time? We have a long marriage ahead of us hopefully.   

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One can only push the envelope with sex just so far, even if both partners are willing to push. There are only so many sexual positions and situations. If a couple wants to avoid boredom, I tell them that in addition to varying their sex life, they need to do things together outside the bedroom that will push boredom out of their lives altogether. Now if you find anal sex painful, you should not be engaging in it. And if he really doesn’t seem to care about hurting you, then maybe you’re not going to have a long marriage ahead of you. Sex is important in a relationship, but no one should be pressured into doing anything that they don’t feel comfortable doing. Based on the limited details you’ve given me, I would advise the two of you to go for some marital therapy because this seems like more of a relationship problem than just a sexual one.



 
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