I remember seeing his eyes stare right through me, and then I buried my head into his shoulder and just cried.I do not know what happened, but I just busted into tears. Any time he started to close his eyes, I asked him to open them. So, again, the entire time, we were staring into each others eyes. About a year ago, I cheated on him, and he knows about it. We have had a rough relationship since that, but we are still together and we are still trying to make it work.  Understandably so, my crying interrupted the mood and he didn’t want to continue until he orgasmed.

I was not thinking about what I had done a year ago, but I cannot convince him otherwise. I love my man more than anything or anyone in this whole entire world. I have learned my lesson for cheating on him. I value my boyfriend more than anyone and would never jeopardize our love…I made a huge mistake. I know that.  The guy honestly means nothing to me, and I have since moved on. The trouble is convincing my boyfriend.

Dr. Ruth, how can I earn his trust back? How can I convince him that HE is the one I desire and love? Also, is there an explanation for the sudden outburst in tears?

Having sex is emotional. You can’t have an orgasm without letting go and when you let go, all sorts of emotions can be let loose. If you love him, and you’re still sorry for what you did to him, then it’s not surprising that you might cry. Looking/staring into another person’s eyes is said to be like looking into their soul, so that could make it ever more emotional. And since he can’t read your mind, I can well understand that he might think your crying had to do with your cheating.

If you want my opinion, and I guess you do since you asked me, I would not put additional stress on your relationship. Forcing him to stare into your eyes while you’re having sex is stressful. Most people need to concentrate to some extent in order to have an orgasm. If you’re staring into your partner’s eyes, it’s difficult to do that. And if you’re putting such pressure on your sexual relationship, I wonder what else you’re doing the rest of the time. For example, are you constantly telling him that you’re sorry for what happened, making yourself seem guilty?

 That might not help the situation because then it brings it up from the depths of his memory banks into his consciousness. My advice would be to just try to live a normal life. Try to have fun in the present. Push back those thoughts about the past and they’ll weaken. But if you do things to continually bring them front and center, then they’ll remain strong and could damage the relationship.