Should I leave my abusive boyfriend?
Hi, I was wondering if you can help me. I'm turning 19 and my boyfriend is 23. We've been together for two years now, but every five to seven weeks, he says he's going to the shop or something, then he goes to his friends and switches off his phone.

He comes home the next day. He says he has nothing to hide and he "just wants to be alone with his friends once in a while." The problem is that I'm not allowed to spend time alone with my friends, but he does what he wants. I'm not allowed to say anything about it. Sometimes when he's a bit intoxicated, he starts to pick a fight with me then he swears at me and calls me names. I don't know what to do about it. It hurts so much. Nothing I do is good enough in his eyes.

I do everything to make him happy, but he only criticizes what I do. We live together with my parents and they fight a lot as well. When they fight, my mother sometimes asks my boyfriend to turn the music down a bit. He then "freaks out" and leaves without letting me know where he's going and once again switches off his phone. When we have a problem, I can't talk to him about it because he gets angry when I tell him how I feel. Then, he swears at me and wants to leave again.

 Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore. I love him with my whole heart and I've never felt this strongly about anyone. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but how can I make him see what he's doing to me? How do I make him stop hurting me? Also, we don't have sex that often anymore. He says he's tired from working and falls asleep at about 9 p.m.

I can understand that he's tired, but even when I'm tired, I still try to be intimate with him and make love. I don't work at the moment and he throws that in my face as well. I am looking for work. My CV is on every possible job site. What can I do? Please, please, please help me. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.  

There’s no point beating around the bush here. You have break up with this man. I understand that you love him, but you have to love yourself more. If you continue this relationship, you’re going to feel worse and worse as time goes on. He does not act like a man who loves you and in fact he is abusing you emotionally. One day, it may become physical. It seems the main reason he is staying with you is in order to have a free roof over his head.

I know that’s a harsh thing to say, especially as all the evidence I have is what you wrote to me. But I bet if you look at the entire situation honestly, you will agree with me.  It’s quite possible to love someone who does not love you back and who is not right for you. It’s sad, and it will take you a while to get over him, but if you use this as an example for the rest of your life, hopefully you’ll be able to recognize when a man really loves you and so can find a relationship that will work out in the long run. From my perspective, the only advice I can give you is to end this relationship because you don’t deserve to be treated this way. And the sooner you end it, the sooner you can get on with your life.


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