Is he having another affair?
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I discovered my husband had an affair six months ago.  The affair had been going on for about five months. We have been having problems in our marriage for the last three years.
We have been married for 27 years with two children, ages 10 and 12. We have not had sex for the last three years because my husband states that he felt put down by me and that he did not feel loved and that is why he had the affair. He had erection problems just before he stopped having sex with me and became very frustrated and he did not want to discuss it. He ended the affair (that was five months ago) and now I just discovered he has been taking Levitra. He insists he has been using it for masturbating as he does not feel like a man and was embarrassed to tell me. I am not ready to have sex with him until his tests results come back clear, as he had unprotected sex with this other woman. He insists he only had the one affair and knows he has made a terrible mistake. I am trying to understand, but at the same time, I do not want to be taken for a fool.  Have you ever heard of someone buying Levitra and using for masturbating? He said it helps him release built up tension. What are your thoughts on this subject? We are seeing a marriage counselor, but he said he will not continue to see the counselor if I bring up his use of Levitra. I am 47 and my husband it 54.

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These pills help men who cannot have a full erection. If he is not able to get a full erection without the pill, whether it be for intercourse or masturbation, and the pill gives it to him so he can release his sexual tension through masturbating, then what he’s doing makes sense to me. I understand that you are worried that he’s using these pills to continue the affair or have another one. And I do find it strange that he refuses to admit to the counselor that he is using Levitra. Masturbation and erectile difficulties are private matters, but if you won’t open up to a therapist, then it’s going to be more difficult, if not impossible, for the therapist to help out.

 But you have to understand that these pills do not give a man the desire for sex, only the ability to get an erection. My one suggestion might be that if the only reason keeping you from having sex with him is the risk of getting an STD, and you are right to wait, then perhaps you could offer to masturbate him. And at the same time, he could masturbate you so that neither one of you would be sexually frustrated and you would at least be entering the sexual arena again. Of course if you are not ready for that stage yet, then that’s another story.


 
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